What in the hell is your problem? Our relationship was what it was. I certainly knew what I was getting into when we first hooked up. You are a manipulative passive aggressive bitch and I'm an asshole. It's as simple as that. I don't care about what little tiny thing set of your emotional roller coaster ride this time, I really don't. You had one, if not every day, at least once a week when we dated. Everything had to be so fucking dramatic. Everything was a deep black abyss of nothingness, or some such shit. Please be quiet.

Not everything that happens to you is important. In fact, I'm sure most of it isn't even slightly interesting. Life really isn't that hard. Honestly. And if you're going to continue to complain you could at the very least become some sort of Buddhist monk (do Buddhists have nuns?) and move away to some place where you won't have phone access. That way you won't bother as many people with your "life is pain" bullshit.

You hurt yourself? Oh God that is so dark! Why not just get an eating disorder and then whine about that imaginary psychological ailment. I hear there's some sort of placebo for that now. Leave the bodily abuse to those of us who know how it's done. My life didn't begin nor end with you. I've moved on and for all your posturing it seems to me you haven't. Why else would you call me up on a Saturday and deliberately try to piss me off?

My life isn't dramatically different after all of this. Here, let me give you a little example using my lifestyle.

Before

This is an illustration of my life before we met.

After

And this in an actual picture from after.

Sure some of the beer is a little cheaper, but that's because I'm a cheap asshole. You should know that, seeing as how I bought you the "wrong" (i.e not 200+ dollars worth of) presents. Then again I never received a single one from you. At least now I don't have someone constantly complaining about my drinking, while that very same person is gulping down Bacardi Breezers/Smirnoff Ices and hitting on every other man that comes along. So thank you for ruining my Saturday, I'm now blocking your number.

PS. Ever contemplated suicide? It's way cool and rocks ass. All the awesome people are doing it.

xoxoxo

Yoghurtspasm