Self-righteousness is a swelling and bloating feeling I'm sensing in this social body I occupy. It's pouring out of all corners and viciously attacking me from all angles imaginable. It's not just oozing out of the regular go-to-places from which I've come to except this vile sense of self. Instead of the figurative smelly armpits of this global community I'm catching a whiff coming from, I don't know, the ears or something. Can ears stink?

Christian people are easy targets these days. Especially in the secular haven of Scandinavia. I can literally (and hopefully) go days without ever running into a person of the religious persuasion. What I cannot do however is avoid encountering the occasional smug cretin with their head lodged firmly and deeply up their own asshole. Oh, he may be a self-professed atheist, animal rights activist, fair trade-advocate. But he's still incapable of rational thought and introspection. For instance; You see - he's not an atheist because he's come to the rational conclusion of a well deliberated internal argument. He's a non-believer because he has been told that religious people are dumb and he's certainly not dumb. He's smart, his momma told him so, although all factual evidence points to the former.

So in a seriously convoluted way, the only "logical" path to take is that of atheism. Not agnosticism by the way, that's for pussies. The same goes for faux-vegans, who don't eat meat because people who do are immoral and inferior to them. Pseudo-eco warriors who only really care about the bike path outside their condo. Wannabe-feminists who join up because they hate men. Impostors shouting "support the troops!" while actively obstructing increased pay and benefits for service men/women. Fake freedom of speech supporters who want to stop others from expressing offensive ideas. And anyone else who dons the mantel of righteousness to simply feel better about themselves.

You can only truly know something if you actually believe in it. Answering the question: "Why do you believe?" with something akin to: "'Cause!" or "It makes me feel good about myself." are not viable options bucko. Pointing fingers at people and proclaiming your superiority feels good sometimes. Damn good. Just remember to pull that sucker out of your nose first. It's flu season you know.

That's what the world looks like to me right now. A big stinking mound of pure excrement. And it just keeps piling on every day. Higher and higher until maybe, hopefully, it all tips over and drowns us in a flash flood of feces. A turd tsunami of destruction. Enough with the poop talk. Every time I think I've found a loophole it turns out to be a noose. I used to be good at "the talking", "the talking" was my thing. My only thing really. Now I just flop around like a fish having some sort of epileptic fit. I can't believe how much time I've wasted trying to be something I'm not. I'm not a cool guy, I'm just a nice guy wearing an awesome shirt and hat. I don't know which disappoints me more; Me trying to act like someone else or me being the exact same person I've always been. I'm essentially a tall 8 year old boy holding a beer. Somewhat more hairy of course. At other times I feel like I'm doing a piss poor impersonation of myself. Honestly, I quite often wish I was gay. Or at the very least bi-sexual. Which is sort of gay-lite, I guess, I don't really know a lot about gayness. I'd imagine coming out to my family would be harsh but after that it's just clear sailing ahead! No more having to deal with women and their bullshit! Now if I can just stay clear of natural disasters involving fecal matter and I'm all set. Be quiet and let me love you. Let me love you and have some cake.

Yoghurtspasm